The First And The Last Drafts

Titles and introductions often work in tandem here they do a good job of also moving from this general idea a failure and then they make this shift into the topic of the essay itself this is why aspiring writers teachers etc come into this and then they specifically note that they’re going to be talking about writers that are dealing with the idea of and then go into their divisions their thesis and divisions okay so let’s take a look at yeah I’m gonna skip this one you guys can read over this on your own I want to take a look at this one I’m gonna pause and take a read of this one so again I’m just gonna pause for a second and I want you guys to read over this essay okay a few things work I think well. Find out how to efficiently revise your drafts with Edusson.

Here they let us know right off the bat that they’re making things up by using X University and Joe which is you know kind of common common word common name and then they go through and they describe very specifically what Joe’s going to do and then they kind of take it further ask an employee or his friends and you will hear such comics as he is a good decision maker happy with his life effective communicator etc and again these are all kind of connected to the points that they used above really good job they are making that connection throughout that throughout the introduction and then here they move nice transition here moving from the specific to the general they move from joe student to many experts so the reader here is clearly being moved from again a specific student to now okay what do other people say about the college experience then again goes in quite well to a good thesis and then divisions okay this is the last of the introductions that I’m going to look at particularly there’s another one below that you can look at on your own and this one is good because I was able to get both the rough draft and the final draft.

And it also shows that you can use two paragraphs in an introduction you’re not locked into one paragraph so let’s get started here this is Mary’s a rough draft I’m gonna pause again I want you to read first the rough draft and then we’re going to talk it through and then we’re going to come in and read the final draft so first a rough draft okay here Mary does a good job of listing you know all the different writers has a nice little quote to come in as well but it seems kind of over packed it seems like there’s a lot going on and he so what she did in her revision was open it up a bit in here I’m gonna pause real quick and give you guys a chance to read this revised introduction.